Uncertain Future

I am getting anxious. In a few short weeks my package goes before the CARE Board for the Navy chaplaincy. I’m not sure if I’ll get picked up for active duty or not. My relative lack of experience as a minister and my young age are two factors that will surely work against me. As it is, even if I do get picked up, I will have to go to the March class, not the December class I had hoped for.

So what do I do in the meantime? This is the question that has plagued my thoughts the past few weeks. Obviously, I must plan for two contingencies. One, I get picked up by the Navy. In this scenario, I’ve just got to find something for Melissa and myself to do until March. Two, I don’t get picked up by the Navy. The Navy may say, "Peter, we’d like you to get a little more seasoning before we pick you up–say, three years." In this case, I’ve gotta scramble to line up a long-term solution to our housing and job needs. I’ve kicked around the idea of pursuing another masters or jumping into a PhD program. I’ve got lots of ideas on what I’d like to study, but not so many ideas on how to pick the best course of study. As for getting more church experience, I’ve thought that maybe I could get a church on the side whilst in school as I really don’t want to devote three years to a church without getting a degree as well. I know that it will be much harder for me to get a degree as I get older and have a family, so I want to get it out of the way if possible. Even if I do get into the Navy right away, I hope to pursue a master’s degree in history or international relations through night or online classes.

Whatever happens, I think that Melissa and I have decided to move to Colorado at the first of the year. Housing in Fort Collins is much cheaper than here in Yucaipa. I know that Melissa really wants a place to call our own, even if it is just an apartment for three months. Of course, we’re going to have to find temporary jobs in Fort Collins that will provide us enough money to pay the rent, put food on the table and pay off all our debts. Gotta love the school loan and credit card bills!

I must say that this whole experience of having an uncertain future has been quite humbling for me. As a man, I want to be the wonderful bread winner for my little family, yet I'm making minimum wage washing dishes at a Christian camp (when not training with the Navy). As an American, I want to be the young, successful, confident, money-making, ladder-climbing professional in a dynamic career (for me, the money-making chaplaincy). Instead I'm scraping by, barely paying the bills and wondering that I'll ever have a "real" job. Still, I'm trying to remain positive about the whole experience. When God finally does reveal what the next step is going to be for me, I'll be able to look back and see what this uncertain time has taught me in the way of patience and trust in God. Plus, it's not like I have it that bad in life. I have a wonderful wife, a great family, supportive friends, a job, a roof over my head, clothes and food and I live in a free country with almost limitless opportunities. What right do I have to complain?

Anyway, I though I’d give a little personal update about my life since certain people (read: my sister) think that I’m normally too pseudo-intellectual and long-winded on this blog.

Cheers,
Peter