Learning to live with stains

Note: This article will appear in the 20 August 2010 edition of the Northwest Navigator.

This past weekend I found myself navigating the buffet line at a wedding reception while wearing my dress whites. Dressed in such attire, the baked beans and BBQ chicken that tempted my belly gave me pause as I reflected on how my uniform would look should I spill any of it on me. I remembered a change-of-command where a shipmate with a glass of bright red punch had spilled his drink down my front. An immediate trip to the dry cleaners saved my uniform, but the memories of that moment have remained with me and make me a little paranoid every time I slip on the uniform. If I’m not careful though, I get so uptight about keeping my uniform squared away that I am unable to relax and enjoy the celebration.

I think that our relationships can fall into this same trap. Whether with our family, friends, girl/boyfriend or spouse, we all have expectations about how our relationships should unfold. We all have this image of the perfect best friend, or parent, or lover and we’re terribly disappointed when real life doesn’t match up to our expectations. Sometimes, we get so wrapped up in trying to make everything “just so,” that we forget the reason why we entered into the relationship in the first place. By focusing on making everything perfect like a Disney fairytale we find ourselves stressed, confused, burned out, and often angry when the spotless ideal of our relationship is tarnished by reality. And yet if we don’t want to miss out on the joy that comes from sharing our life with others, we have to accept that there will be a few stains along the way. It is through grace and the discipline of forgiveness and reconciliation that, like a trip to the dry cleaners, we are able to overcome those splotches and continue in the celebration that is “happily ever after.”