Navigator Article: 22 October 2010

I recently responded to a friend’s post on facebook that I thought was uncharitable to some public figures with whom he disagreed. Moments after posting though, I realized that my post was itself a bit snarky, so I deleted it. Of course, my friend still received notification that I had posted something and, after reading it, he blasted me in a message he sent me, questioning both my lack of courage evident in deleting my post and even my calling as a chaplain. While I had deleted my post, not due to a lack of courage, but out of a sense of civility, I rose to the bait of his message and unloaded with both barrels on his public wall. Again, however, I realized that I was allowing my ego to get in the way, and I quickly deleted all my comments and sent him a private note stating that I thought getting into a “flame war” was counterproductive to constructive dialogue.

While this story is not one of my finer moments as an individual, I mention it because our disagreement centered on religion. Both my friend (a classmate from seminary) and I share the same faith, yet we approach theology and politics from two different perspectives. Recently, we’ve all heard about another round of peace talks between the Palestinians and the Israeli government. Like my friend and me, the parties involved in making peace disagree about religion, politics, history (and its interpretation), among a host of other issues. Moreover, like my friend and me, the parties involved in making peace are only human, and as such, are capable of allowing their pride to get in the way of rational thought.

So it is that on both the grand scale of international politics and in the humble realm of interpersonal relationships that conflict occurs. It is my belief though that while there are profound—often irreconcilable differences— between two parties, most conflict ultimately is rooted in the vicious interplay of pride and personalities. Sadly, we’ve all seen too many relationships—both in the workplace, and at home—go sour as a result of wounded egos and hurt pride. Perhaps you have found yourself in such a relationship, where a relatively minor issue blows up into a huge event. Maybe you are in the midst of conflict with someone right now. If you are, I encourage you to step back and breathe. Is what you are fighting over really worth it? Or, are you waging war because someone has wounded your ego, and you want to hurt them back? At the end of the day, being a successful peacemaker means learning to be honest with ourselves and the pain that we feel, and discerning a way to deal with it in an appropriate way that doesn’t cause more suffering for others, even when they deserve it! Together, we may not be able to bring peace to the Middle East, but we can usher in a spirit of goodwill in our homes and workplaces.