What do our words mean?

NOTE: This is my article for the 11 June edition of the Northwest Navigator, the base newspaper.

A small rudder on a huge ship in the hands of a skilled captain sets a course in the face of the strongest winds. A word out of your mouth may seem of no account, but it can accomplish nearly anything - or destroy it. (James 3:4-5 - The Message Translation)

I had a conversation recently with a gentleman from our chapel congregation. He relayed to me that the one thing his children remembered about me is that I have a thing for redheads. One Sunday morning as part of a sermon illustration I had mentioned how I’d pursued, rather unsuccessfully, a beautiful red-headed girl in my church youth group. I said something to the effect that, “we all should fall in love with a redhead at least once in our lives.” Months later, that one line continued to resonate with these children and shaped their opinion of who I was.

I’ve been thinking about that conversation as I’ve counseled people this month. You see, in many ways, the words we use define who we are and what others think of us. When relationships go bad, and marriages explode in my office, I am struck by the hurtful, angry, selfish words used by two people who had once spoken words of promise and undying love in their wedding vows. When others come in to my office stressed out about work, it’s not uncommon for them to talk about that shipmate or superior in their workspace that’s always yelling and swearing, leaving others feeling incompetent or inferior.

On the other hand, I can vividly remember those times when one of my bosses has praised me in public. Such words mean far more to me than any award or decoration ever will. In my home, I keep all the cards my wife gives me for holidays and sometimes I pull them out and read them. As I do, her words remind me that she loves and cares for me, and I feel anew the great sense of peace and security my relationship with her affords me.

Clearly, words matter. Moreover, once we’ve said something negative or belittling, we can’t take it back and pretend that it never happened, a lesson many politicians and other public figures never seem to learn. Now, that doesn’t mean that we can’t speak difficult words, for sometimes our shipmates need to know that they’ve done wrong, and need a course-correction. But, the way that we handle those situations, as well as the way we address our own shortcomings, and the words that we use, speak deeply about our character. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to be remembered as someone who never had a kind word to say, or as one who never apologized, or as one who was always quick with an excuse, or as one who never said thank you.

By the way, I DO think everyone should fall in love with a redhead at least once. It’s good for the soul.